am confused or am i just stupid?

I'm currently at a place in my life where i feel i know the answer but am not sure..

"thou shall not walk by sight but by faith".

But i know i dont, cant trust him. I want to but experience has taught me not( i have forgiven him) or havent i?
Am at the point where i just want to leave. pack it all in. leave d past 4yrs behind.
the last time he invited me over to his hse was in feb... we live 15mins apart, yet hes always over at mine. gradually he stopped sleepin ova. d last time he did he got up at 6am to go home cos he had to go out. 6am????????
i decided to pay him a surprise visit n her car was there. 3 times i'v gone dere univited and 3 times her car was there. 2ice i've knocked/press d bell but no answer. there doesnt seem to b anyone home.

D 3rd time i know she was dere cos i heard their son at 1am wen he was tellin me gudnit baby.
i didnt press d bell. i cudnt. i was d girl outside. i felt ashamed.
by d way hes not married. shes ex or am i foolin mysef?

wise people say the only "currency in marriage is TRUST.
Is dis even gonna lead anywhere?
At 27.5 yrs, beautiful, sexy, confident babe with good career, striving everyday to lead d life God has cld me to live... yet am in love with a man who has constantly cheated on me, lied to me 3 babies by 3 different mamas( 2 of whom in d last 2 yrs while we were 2getha). D same man who caused my breakdown about a year ago.(july 2007)

i was depressed, cudnt sleep for weeks till 1 day without knowin wat i was doin took a scissors to my own hair. went to counselling cos i refused the depression pills.

it took a while but i got ova it. n 6mnths afta dat he came beggin. we talked, i forgave... now hes playin up AGAIN. hidin stuff from me. how can i say i dont even know d hse fone no of my bf.

Now i,m fed up i,ve had enuf am scared of breaking down again.
i never want to experience dat kind of pain/darkness again in my life.

Shud i b runnimg or is he worth fighting for?

It took me a while but am here!!!

I'm not a writer or even think i want to be one. But this blog is a direct result of me beginning the rest of my life..

I have always found that no matter what am going through, especially when i cant tell anyone else i usually write to myself and it helps. It allows me to be objective and relieve some stress.

I am writing because i have come to a junction in my life where i have realised i've become one of the girls i used to hate so much and unless i take action now, am toying with eternal bitterness.

You might read my post and understand or maybe not. But i hope this process helps me redefine who i am, who God wants me to be.
At 27.5 yrs i feel i have wasted enough time and now as i start this i dont even know what i want in life, career or even relationship.

Welcome to my life.