I'm currently at a place in my life where i feel i know the answer but am not sure..
"thou shall not walk by sight but by faith".
But i know i dont, cant trust him. I want to but experience has taught me not( i have forgiven him) or havent i?
Am at the point where i just want to leave. pack it all in. leave d past 4yrs behind.
the last time he invited me over to his hse was in feb... we live 15mins apart, yet hes always over at mine. gradually he stopped sleepin ova. d last time he did he got up at 6am to go home cos he had to go out. 6am????????
i decided to pay him a surprise visit n her car was there. 3 times i'v gone dere univited and 3 times her car was there. 2ice i've knocked/press d bell but no answer. there doesnt seem to b anyone home.
D 3rd time i know she was dere cos i heard their son at 1am wen he was tellin me gudnit baby.
i didnt press d bell. i cudnt. i was d girl outside. i felt ashamed.
by d way hes not married. shes ex or am i foolin mysef?
wise people say the only "currency in marriage is TRUST.
Is dis even gonna lead anywhere?
At 27.5 yrs, beautiful, sexy, confident babe with good career, striving everyday to lead d life God has cld me to live... yet am in love with a man who has constantly cheated on me, lied to me 3 babies by 3 different mamas( 2 of whom in d last 2 yrs while we were 2getha). D same man who caused my breakdown about a year ago.(july 2007)
i was depressed, cudnt sleep for weeks till 1 day without knowin wat i was doin took a scissors to my own hair. went to counselling cos i refused the depression pills.
it took a while but i got ova it. n 6mnths afta dat he came beggin. we talked, i forgave... now hes playin up AGAIN. hidin stuff from me. how can i say i dont even know d hse fone no of my bf.
Now i,m fed up i,ve had enuf am scared of breaking down again.
i never want to experience dat kind of pain/darkness again in my life.
Shud i b runnimg or is he worth fighting for?
Your Experience Does Not Define You
4 years ago
2 comments:
I'm sure i wont be the 1st to tell u that u're leaving in a dream..
wake the f..k up...
he couldnt possibly leave a wife and three kids...
He's not meant for u...
Pick the pieces...
Go out more, meet new people...
U dont want to end up in Aro, Do u?
lol
He is not worth fighting for. I am so sad to hear of all this. And I am begging you, with all the strength that God has giving you, push harder to leave this time. Remember who you are in Christ Jesus. A great daughter of the Most powerful King, the creator of the entire universe. See who you are, a royal princess who is worth nothing but the best. You are not too old to find love. You have everything going on, never sell yourself short. I speak as one who was once where you are right now, and I am here to testify that my testimony is complete. Take a bold step, and step into the path and purpose God has created and called you out for. All is well. Never forget that. You are blessed highly favoured, its just that the enemy is not happy with your light. It is time to arise and shine. Your time of breakthrough is here. (When you have time, please read Isaiah 60). Love always.
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